Need to relax - but too much to do!

Ob appt with a different ob this week - loved her! She had actually read my file and remembered lots of details from it. She took the time to answer my questions with explanations instead of just yes/no/maybe. I tried to get back in to see her next time, but she's booked solid (she's very popular and I can see why) and just hope that I can get every other appt with her. I do have to go back in 2 weeks for another check - my blood pressure was 160/90!!! It's never been high before! (but baby was fine with a heart rate in the 130s) They had me lie down and it went down to 140/84 within a few minutes (less than 5) but that's still really high for me. Hoping spring break next week gives me a chance to relax so that it stays in the normal range.

However, relaxing will be difficult for me this week. I have a million things to do. I really need to get the baby's room ready, do some spring cleaning, register at Target and Babies R Us (already registered at Amazon.com), get the guest list for her shower finalized, do a day long check on one of the cat's blood glucose levels, along with just the little things that need to be done on a daily basis. I'm also baby sitting for my nieces one day this week - but that'll be lots of fun :) I have crafts, games, books and new toys all ready to go. Also want to go into work one day to get some things ready for next year (some other early learning teachers have offered to share their materials with me, so I need to get those copied and organized so next year goes smoothly without too much work needed outside of school hours). And, of course, this is a great time to see some friends that I don't get together with very often. Guess spring break needs to be longer!

24 weeks! Wow! Can't believe it!

So, I figure if I've made it this far wearing my regular pants, I can make it another week or two. Yes, I'm going to attempt the impossible and not start wearing maternity pants until I make it to the 3rd trimester. It's so close (according to some books it starts at 25 weeks, according to others it starts around 28 weeks), so I think I can do it. I'm okay wearing my regular pants for the first 10 hours of the day while I'm at work, but by the end of the day I'm ready to put my PJs on!

Sweet Pea's kicks are getting stronger and stronger. It's such a wonderful feeling. One kick the other night was really strong. I had my laptop resting on my tummy and she gave it a really hard kick, almost sending it toppling off. It was so neat to feel that.

It's starting to seem like it really might happen - I might actually get my baby to take home, care for, and love forever. So hard to believe - even as everything seems so perfect, I still fear something going wrong. I'm almost in my 3rd trimester but there are still things that can go wrong. I know people who have lost their babies at this point, just before birth (at 37 weeks - they never got a reason), and right after birth (from a bad infection). I'm reading the book The Belated Baby. Seems like others who have been through infertility also have the same feelings that I do. However, Sweet Pea has hit a really big milestone - according to my baby books, she's viable! Yes, if she had to be born today, there's a better than 50% chance that she'd survive!!!

I got Sweet Pea registered for day care. Whew - one more thing crossed off my list. I actually had my choice of centers. I did get her into the one at the school I'm currently teaching at (with the people I've known forever and the nice teacher-friendly summer discount) however, I didn't end up choosing that one. I got offered another job teaching Early Learning, which is really my first love (3 and 4 year olds, with full teacher pay for only a 4 hour program for the students - the rest of my day will be spent in meetings, home visits, and planning. Hopefully having that extra time during the day will lessen the amount of work I have to do outside of my normal hours and give me more time at home with Sweet Pea). Early childhood education (regular and special education) is what I got my undergrad degrees in many, many years ago and I've regretted leaving my preschoolers all the time in the last 4 years since I've switched jobs. Also, my new school is just minutes from my house, so I wanted a day care that was closer to work and home. The day care that I went with is a facility that is less than 3 years old (but the owner and several of the care givers were at another location for several years before that), has marvelous reviews by fellow educators, they use the same curriculum that I'll be teaching, and it's only 4 minutes from my driveway to theirs! They have 8 infants and 2-3 adults in the infant room, then move them up to the next room around the time they start walking. This day care will be a little more expensive because I have to pay for the summers even if I don't bring her to day care, but I think not having to commute an hour a day for day care (especially in the winter) will be worth it! Plus, it might be nice to have the option of using day care a couple of days a week during the summer to keep her in a routine so it's not too much of a shock when I have to go back to work in the fall. I'm sure it'll still be hard to drop her off on that first morning in late August (during the hour long tour and interview, I forgot to ask them how many times I can call that first week without annoying them :), but I feel pretty good about my choice.

Random thoughts

I went to see my nieces and sister this weekend - and came home with a box full of clothes that my youngest niece has already outgrown, already washed in Dreft and ready to go for my little one. There are some cute clothes in there and most still look brand new. Combined with what I already have, I might only have to do laundry every couple of weeks - and that's accounting for 2-3 outfits a day :)

She's been super active the last couple of days - it's definitely more like little pokes than the vibrations I was feeling before and most of the pokes seem to be aimed at my bladder. And, unfortunately, she seems to be a morning person so far - the opposite of her mom!

I found the book I wanted. It's called Before You Were Born: My Wish for a Baby, about a single mother by choice using IVF with donor sperm to have a baby. They have lots of variations available - I highly recommend anyone who went through infertility (IUI or IVF) and gets their BFP to look into them at www.xyandme.com

"Who's my daddy?"

I'm fully aware that I'll have to deal with this question someday and I'm sure you might be wondering about Sweet Pea's "biological father" as well. We'll definitely talk about him, but I haven't decided what we'll call him yet - I'm trying to buy a book about it - it was called something like The Story of Me and they had several variations, one being a single mother by choice using donor sperm and IVF to get pregnant but I can't find it anymore! I'll keep looking because I want to find ways to talk to her about him so that she has a positive self-image and hopefully a way to respond if other children tease her about not having a dad. Also, if I start early, hopefully it won't be a big deal!

Its funny - when you're married, your goal is to produce a child that is a blend of the couple, when you're single, you want your child to have your best characteristics with improvements in the areas you don't like. Also, I was a lot pickier with choosing a donor than I ever would be in choosing someone to date! I picked a donor that is 6' tall with blue eyes and brown hair. His hair has some body to it, so hopefully she'll have some waves but not be too much like mine (some people like my naturally curly hair, but I usually refer to it as naturally frizzy). No allergies, excellent eyesight and good teeth, but he did need braces (but who doesn't, right?). He was a good student and earned a full scholarship to college (and since I did too, I hope I can expect Sweet Pea to get good grades and earn at least a partial scholarship - keep your fingers crossed!) He's athletic, but not good enough to participate professionally. His family's health history was pretty good also - no major red flags. My favorite part: "Why I became a donor: A good friend and his wife have had fertility issues, and I saw the trials that they went through. This is a way I can help couples in similiar situations." How sweet is that! Also, when she's 18, she can contact Xytex and get his name and contact information, so that she'll get an updated family history and a chance to research the other side of her family if she wants to.

The donor was 6 lbs 8 oz when he was born, so I was surprised that Sweet Pea was measuring a week ahead already. However, he does have a daughter who weighed 9 pounds when she was born - hopefully Sweet Pea won't be that big. And if she is, I'll definitely be planning on a c-section!

I'm having a ?????

Excellent u/s today! I got the best u/s technician (she used to do my follicle counts years ago when I was doing IUIs at the office and she was so excited for me) - I think I got to look at the baby for almost half an hour! She oooed and awwed with me and took the time to explain everything I was seeing. I got to see all 4 chambers of the baby's heart (151 bpm today), the brain, the little nose, the eyes, the mouth (which usually has a hand in it), adorable toes and fingers, even the baby's bladder! (I swear it's the size of mine right now :) The baby likes to keep it's legs crossed, but we did get to see the private area! Everything was looking great! The baby is measuring a week ahead (I'm 20 weeks and 3 days pregnant and the baby measured at 21 weeks and 3 days) and weighs 15 ounces already. The tech predicts I'll have a tall baby from the leg bone measurements - I did pick a taller donor in hopes that my kids will be taller than I am :) I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am! Can anyone figure out what I'm having?

Happy heart day!

Just got done listening to the baby's heartbeat - the smoothie I drank must've given him or her a little jolt because it was 177 bpm, a lot higher than the 150 bpm it was on Friday and the 149 bpm on Saturday morning (it's just so reassurring to hear the baby's heartbeat after I got hurt at work on Friday - but there are no signs of any problems and I'm just so relieved that the baby is okay! - and my doctor got me in right away since it was an emergency, no waiting this time!!!) Sounded like the baby was moving around a lot today, too, so maybe the elevated heart rate wasn't all from the smoothie.

Gotta say that I can make good smoothies! I used a frozen berry blend (cherries, raspberries, and strawberries) with half of a banana, a cup of milk and a packet of the carnation instant breakfast powder. Pretty tasty - and has some protein, which I need as a vegetarian.

52 1/2 hours until my ultrasound (with a different u/s technician since I called and got my appointment changed - yea!) and hopefully a glimpse at the baby's "private area" so I'll know if I'm right with my guess of a boy or will be surprised with a girl. Check back Tuesday night for the answer :)

Da - da - da - da - da - da - Charge!

Found my first pair of pants I can't wear anymore on January 22nd - they're going to the bottom of the drawer! Others still fit okay, but it was a wake-up call that it was time to either go up a size or buy a pair of maternity pants to have on-hand in case the baby bump sneaks up on me and I wake up some morning with nothing to wear! On February 3rd, I found out that my shirts are getting a little short too! One of the students had to come up to me and tell me that my belly was showing! Whoops! Guess it was past time to do some maternity clothes shopping (as of February 6th, I'm 19 weeks pregnant!) - so I've been slowly starting. I have a pair of khakis, a pair of maternity jeans that I need to get shortened, and several new shirts. It's a good start, but I still have some shopping to do (especially since I'll need winter clothes, along with spring and summer clothes - this pregnancy is going to hit most of the seasons - would say I should've planned it better, but after 4 years of trying to get pregnant, buying extra maternity clothes is nothing!) The best news is for all of the people I work with - I won't have to go to school naked!

Swoosh swoosh swoosh

A friend lent me her doppler and I'm having so much fun with it! The baby's heartbeat seems to range between 139 and 156. I had been picturing a very calm baby since my early ultrasounds all showed a little bean snuggled in the same position each time, but the baby was a little wiggler while I was listening to the heart beat a week ago. I was listening to it, then it disappeared all of a sudden with some swooshing noises and I found it a couple inches away a few seconds later. Guess he (or she) is getting more active - hope I can feel the baby's movements more consistently soon!

Should I switch?

As some of you might know, I was really disappointed with my last ob visit. My appt was at 3:30, and I showed up 10 minutes early, as requested. Well, they told me the doctor was running behind and sent me to the lab first to take the 2nd past of the sequential screening test. After the bloodwork was done, I went upstairs to wait for the doctor. The receptionist told me she was running a half hour behind - well, I didn't get to see her until 4:40! She had trouble finding the baby's heartbeat - that was the longest 90 seconds of my life - made worse by the fact that she looked panicked. Then, I had a list of questions I needed to ask, and she wasn't able to answer some of the most important ones (I know English is her second language, but if she didn't understand, she should've asked clarifying questions - as it was, I tried rewording it 3 ways before she just refused to even try to answer it). Also, she JUST read my chart from the fertility doctor. At my last u/s at that office, I got a very grumpy technician - and as much as I'm looking forward to my next u/s to find out if the baby is a boy or girl, I'm also dreading it because of that last experience. So, if I switch offices for this next visit, I might get a doctor who can answer my questions and a different u/s technician - and think that might be my plan. But I have less than 2 weeks before my appt, so I need to do that right away this week! Fortunately, the practice is large enough that they have 2 separate offices in town in addition to several in nearby communities, so I might have some options for trying out new docs.

Pink or blue? Whatever it is, I think I felt the baby move!

I MIGHT have felt the baby move this weekend (January 9th and 10th). It was about 20 minutes after I ate and I felt this odd little vibration down there. It happened 3 times, but nothing in the last few days - but I was sick this weekend - just a bad cold - and was laying around a lot so it might've been easier to feel it or it might've been gas - guess time will tell.

I'm ready to know what this little one is so I can use his or her name instead of "the baby" all of the time - as if it's the only baby in the whole wide world :) Finally found an IntelliGender test - they claim to be 82% accurate. The results are . . .

December 2009: Ob appt, daycare, and a little scare!

Had my first appt with my ob doctor on 12/17/09 - everything is still going great! I only gained one pound during the first trimester (not bad considering I had to add a mid-morning snack into my daily routine to keep from getting sick). I also got another another ultrasound (u/s) - baby was in the same position as last time. The ultrasound technician wanted the baby to move so she kept jostling him/her and the baby would startle and we'd see little arms and legs flailing about. Heart rate was 171. I was spoiled from my u/s at SIRM - this technician wasn't very friendly and didn't let me linger over every cute thing the little one did like Dr. S did and didn't really give me very good pics, but everything looked good!


Well, I thought I'd spend my Christmas break touring some day care centers now that I'm past the first trimester (13 weeks :) - plenty early, right? Wrong! Found 2 pretty good ones and their waiting lists are pages long! Since I'm a teacher and my school district has a partnership with one of the day cares, I can "bump" some of the people on one list. Really like that one - I can pay only $25 a week to hold my spot over summer vacations instead of $200! (yes, that would save several thousand dollars) but not sure what school I'll be teaching at next year so that day care could really be out of my way -- and they said there were no guarantees I'd get in even if I bumped some people since the waiting list was so long. The other one has a really good reputation also, but they're a little more expensive per week and don't have the summer-off deal, along with a waiting list. Do people put their names on the list as soon as they get a positive test???

Had a very nice Christmas, but had a little scare. I fell down the steps (carrying one of the kittens in the cat carrier - she's fine) and had a little bleeding. It stopped quickly, but I still panicked. Fortunately, I had my intralipids appt in Peoria soon after that and Dr. S let me do an u/s to make sure everything was okay and it is :) (yes, my 4th ultrasound so far) The baby looks good - and much bigger than before. Could see all of the little fingers and toes clearly this time. Still too early to tell if it's a boy or a girl - think I'll have to do one of the Intelligender tests like Aimee did to find out in a few weeks. This ultrasound was so much better than my last one - they're so nice there in the office and were just as excited as I was to see the baby doing so well.

Christmas Poem 2009

This poem is overdue and I don't mean maybe.
I can finally announce I’m having a baby!

With three months down and six more to go,
I love being pregnant - wish time would move slow.

As you may recall, the attempts were expensive and many,
But now that I’m expecting, it was worth every penny!

G’pa calls my little one the “Million Dollar Baby.”
G’ma is just happy to have a grandson – maybe?

My sister is ready to pass on clothes from the girls
And gives me knowing looks when I say “my baby’s hair will have curls.”

My nieces are excited and just can’t wait
To have a cousin as a new playmate.

The cats are worried - as they well should be.
Their lives will be changing dramatically!

So thanks for listening when my life did suck
And thanks in advance for wishing me good luck!

I hope you enjoy this time of jubilee,
“Merry Christmas” from my family.

BFP??? BFP!!!

I just couldn't believe what they told be -- surely they got my results mixed up with someone else's! Time to POAS (for all of you not familiar with fertility terms: pee on a stick, a.k.a a home pregnancy test.) I took 2 tests to make sure that it was really positive - and I still didn't believe it (and, if not for my mild morning sickness and the fact that I was so tired and had to use the bathroom ALL THE TIME, there are times I still don't believe how blessed I am).

Then the wait for the first ultrasound to make sure the baby was in the right place - and to find out how many there were! On 11/13/09, after I held my breath and watched the doctor's expression to see if it was good news, I saw one precious little miracle measuring at 6 weeks 6 days whose heart rate was 143 beats per minute! Another peek at the baby on 12/01/09 showed the little one measured perfectly at 9 weeks and 3 days with a heart rate of 182 beats per minute. Dr. S said s/he was even sucking their thumb! Then time to graduate from my fertility doctor - which was hard, but fortunately, since I was doing the intralipid treatments, I get to go back to see them every month until 24 weeks!

The Next (Baby) Steps

Well, I wanted to be a mom so bad that I wasn’t willing to give up yet. The doctors at UIHC told me they were thrilled with how I responded to that protocol and wanted me to try again. However, I had also started looking around at other fertility clinics and found one in Illinois with a great reputation for helping those with worst case scenarios, like me. I went to meet with Dr. Schultz. SIRM had a teacher discount plan – perfect for me since I had no insurance money left. Dr. S did some more tests and I signed up for the March cycle. Also, found that SIRM has a fantastic discussion board and made some friends who were going through this – and really value the support they gave me.

I did the LA8E2V (an agonist/antagonist conversion protocol) for the March cycle, along with intralipids and lovenox for NKa cells and elevated APAs. Things were going really well – I had 5 eggs retrieved, 4 were mature and 4 fertilized with ICSI. On day 3, we transferred 3 embryos – an 8 cell grade 1 with a GES (graduated embryo score) of 80, a cell grade 2 with a GES of 85, and a 6 cell grade 2 with a GES of only 20. Then yet another 2ww, and another BFN with no left over to freeze.

Well, I had a follow-up appointment with Dr. S after that cycle failed and I realized she really was a great doctor – very open minded and I loved the fact that she valued my input! We talked about what went right, what went wrong, and came up with a plan that might work. It was just financing that was holding me back. So, I signed up for flex benefits at work, borrowed some money from my parents, and signed up for the July cycle with the LA10E2V (the protocol for the worst responders – with the highest doses of meds possible) for one last attempt at getting pregnant before exploring other options, such as having someone else carry the baby for me.
Well, at my cd9 (cycle day 9 – the first time that the doctor sees you for the cycle) appointment , we discovered that there were problems. My lining was way too thick, there was fluid in my uterus, and the doctor recommended that I cancel the cycle! Oh, no! Well, we talked and decided instead of canceling, we’d just freeze the embryos (I wasn’t getting any younger, unfortunately!), do a D&C and fix the problems with my uterus, then do a frozen transfer after my uterus had healed. After being on stim meds for a LONG time, I finally had my egg retrieval. 6 eggs were retrieved, 5 were mature and 4 fertilized – and the best news of all was that they were able to freeze all 4 embryos! I had a 9 cell compacting grade 2 with a GES of 65, an 8 cell grade 2 with a GES of 75, an 8 cell grade 2 with a GES of 95 and a compacting grade 2 with a GES 45 (didn’t say how many cells, but assume there were 8 – had to have at least 6 to be frozen). They expect at least half of the embryos to survive vitrification and warming – so I had 4 snowbabies waiting for me – or a surrogate to carry the baby for me if the doctor couldn’t fix the problems with my uterus.

In August, I turned 37 and also had a D&C, and for the first time in my life had a normal visit from Aunt Flo! And more great news – I got a partial refund since I didn’t do a transfer for the July cycle, so I was able to scrape together enough money to try one last fresh cycle in October.
Again, we tried the same protocol that we used in July since all 4 of the embryos looked so good that time. I had 5 eggs retrieved, 3 were mature and 3 fertilized. On day 3, we transferred all 3 embryos – an 8 cell grade 1 with a GES of 80, a 6 cell grade 1 with a GES of 70, and a 6 cell grade 3 with a GES of 30. Then another 2ww, in which I was sure that I’d get the usual news, but instead got a very surprising phone call – I was finally pregnant! Beta #1 was 60 (10/23/09) and beta #2 (10/27/09) was 405!!!

Guess it’s time to end this post (I know it’s long, but wanted you to have all of the background infomation) – and the next one will be about the baby and my pregnancy.

I'm Pregnant!

At this point, I’m actually 16 weeks pregnant and safely into my 2nd trimester! However, I really should start at the beginning of this incredible, emotional journey . . .

In 2005, at age 33, I went to my ob-gyn and told her I wanted to have a baby. Unfortunately, she found a dermoid cyst on my ovary and I had to have surgery and 99% of my right ovary removed. After recovering from the surgery, she recommended IUI (interuterine inseminations – or artificial inseminations), so I started on Clomid. Clomid is an awful medication, in case you didn’t know! I was so moody when I was on it that no one could stand to be around me! Anyway, tried Clomid, had to add a hCG trigger shot since we found out I don’t ovulate on my own, then added injectibles (Repronex) to the Clomid, the injectible meds with Femara and then progesterone support also – and tried IUIs for 3 years with no luck, despite my doctor’s reassurances (and no family history of infertility) that it would the next time we tried. Found out later that if it doesn’t work within a few months, it’s time to move onto a more aggressive method and that I wasted way too much time. Hindsight, huh?

In the February of 2008, I was frustrated, getting older, and ready to move on, so I transferred to the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics for in-vitro fertilization (IVF). At my first appointment, I had an awful experience with the doctor. He insisted that I had PCOS, despite my previous doctor saying I didn’t have it and all of the tests indicating that I didn’t – he even pulled up my gown in front of some students and a nurse to prove he was right and that I was covered in hair. You should’ve seen the look on his face when he realized he was wrong! So, they ran some more tests (no, I don’t have PCOS but do have diminished ovarian reserve) and I got signed up for an IVF cycle in June. Well, I had a cyst (really, it’s an unruptured follicle since my body doesn’t release the eggs on it’s own) on my ovary and had to cancel that cycle, but I got into the July cycle (and had to fight with the pharmacy since the meds they had sold me had already expired! Fortunately, I won that battle.) Well, after being on meds with the microdose flare protocol for a week, they canceled my IVF cycle since I wasn’t responding to the meds. That came as a big surprise and was truly devastating for me.

Well, got ready to try again with a different protocol in September, but they found another cyst so that cycle was canceled. I got a great letter from them telling me that they’d try one more time, then they were giving up. Things were not going well! Well, I talked to the doctors and we found a way to get rid of the cysts using ganirelix before the cycle started, so I was back on track. In November, I finally completed an IVF cycle using the antagon protocol. I had 10 follicles, 8 eggs retrieved, 6 were mature and 4 fertilized normally using ICSI. We transferred 2 of the embryos (an 8 cell and a 6 cell) on day 3 and I held my breath during the 2 week wait (2ww) – and got a BFN (big fat negative), found out the remaining 2 embryos weren’t good enough to freeze, and I was out of insurance money. Wow! Lots of bad news all at once.

See the next post for what my next steps would be!